Dear Angela,
I know you wonder about me. Well, I wonder about you too. Believe it or not, I still care about your ass. I maybe a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard. I can't stop thinkin' about ya, to be honest. Your always there in my head and in my soul. No mater the amount of hate I create. No mater how much I slander your name, I can't wash you away. It hurts because deep down I love you and I sense you love me too.
Its why we do this every so often. Its why we talk. It is why even when we both think its over, and there is nothing left to salvage, we take another leap and contact each other.
I guess there will always be this weird hope in our hearts that we can make it. That we can be together. That this is just a bad part of our lives and that time enough has passed so that we can make it work. I suppose like Joel and Clementine.
My heart seems empty without you in it. Its part of why I'm all angry. Its why I am mad. Its like you threw your spot in my heart away. And well....for nothing.
I never expected to love you. I never expected to fall head over heels in love with you. All I wanted to do was be something positive in your life. Something that would help you grow and discover who you truly are inside.
I don't know if I succeeded. But hell, I'd like to think I'd made an impact.
In the end, we are two people who fucked something beautiful up. We were human beings.
I don't know what to do. I'm probably gonna do something stupid and throw my life away. I'm not being cryptic or morbid. I just am so hurt, I don't think, I'll ever heal.
You always seem to move on. I don't think I ever will. This love is a prison.
Angela, I love you. I wish I could just speak it to your face. But we both know its too late for that.
Goodbye,
Nick
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BLAH! Don't make me puke!
ReplyDeleteJust kidding...this makes me sad because I don't want you to be all sad and fucked up like myself. Nick, there is something you have that's hard to find, and that is talent. You may not see it or want to believe it's there. I do though and I really want you to enjoy your life because I think we all do.
Many things will bring us down and destroy parts of us, but it's the willingness to mend and move on that makes us a strong type of people. I know you fancy yourself a comic hero (or villain depending on the day) and they use their gifts to be strong, to make it through hard times, and I know you can too.
I'll never understand love myself because I have yet to truly experience it or heartbreak. Be strong, my brother.
Much love, KT
Oh and it's "matter" not "mater". What are you talking about, tomatoes?
:)